Madeline's Heart

When Maddie was born she had 3 holes in her heart. I went through an array of emotions. Was it my fault? My body was supposed to protect her and allow her to form healthily! Would she need surgery? Well we find out this Thursday. I am on my face before God...begging that He has wrapped his hands around her heart and healed these holes. If that isn't in His will, I pray that the holes have not gotten bigger, as this would mean a surgery for our baby girl. It is amazing being a parent, you know. As I look down at Maddie now, crawling on the floor, I think...if there is something really wrong I will give her my own heart. Thank you God for your gift of love. I thank God for healing in my life so that I can feel and experience such love. My love for my daughter, it overwhelms me and I gladly allow it...and how much more God loves her. Madeline is God's...he just let us borrow her for a little while...God please let it be a long while. I can't imagine my life without Madeline in it...I hope that I never have to live without her. I am not thinking the worst, I am just appreciating what I have been given. I was watching her sleep this morning...so awed by how beautiful she is...her hair all messed up and her face all scrunched up...simply beautiful.

I had a lady at church a few weeks ago ask me how many times Eli had been to the emergency room. I replied that he had never been and she said, "Well I don't believe THAT!". I had to laugh. SO many people are touched by Eli's "busy" spirit. They wonder how I do it. What they don't know and probably wouldn't appreciate is that I am so proud that my son sees a fence and his immediate reaction is to climb to the top! His spirit is strong and so free. It is a beautiful thing to see. As someone whose mother did everything to and succeeded in breaking my spirit. I look at Eli and wonder how much of that comes from me. It is a little bittersweet at times. I am proud to let Eli be "free" and I am proud of the mother that I have become. My children are a testament to my own freedom from the past. Every fence Eli climbs, every time he jumps expecting to be caught is proof that I have broken my own chains.