Madeline's Appointment

First off let me say that Evan and I have been so very blessed by all the emails and phone calls we have received from all of you. It was as if all of you walked in the doors of the doctor's off ice with us this afternoon.

Maddie did GREAT! She cried a little at first because they took her away from mommy. But when we came together again it was all fine. They attached about 10 tubes to her stomach and chest and did some listening. We were moved to another room where the cardiologist came in to listen to Maddie's heart herself. The doctor decided it was best to do an ultrasound of Maddie's heart to see what exactly had changed or had not changed. We were taken into yet another room where the ultrasound machine was hooked up. It took a little longer than usual. Maddie isn't known for being still :) The doctor came back in and gave me some very good news. One of the three wholes has closed on its own. Thank God! The other two are still there at the top of one of the heart's chambers. These two holes could be closed with a surgery but because they don't pose a threat to her development as small as they are, surgery is seen as unnecessary. We asked that God make Maddie's heart whole but she is safe and healthy. And best of all, NO SURGERY!!!!! Our prayers have been answered! Maddie will go back to the cardiologist in one year. Her condition is listed as stable. We'd rather her be improved but no surgery is all that we need!!!

What a relief to have this day over. The whole time I was watching my daughter and wishing I could take her place. A comforting thought is that she will never remember any of this. She is my brave little girl! She charmed all the nurses with her smile and her piggy tails!!!

Thank you all for your prayers. Your out-pour of love was such an encouragement these last few days. God has blessed us with so many wonderful people in our lives.

Madeline's Heart

When Maddie was born she had 3 holes in her heart. I went through an array of emotions. Was it my fault? My body was supposed to protect her and allow her to form healthily! Would she need surgery? Well we find out this Thursday. I am on my face before God...begging that He has wrapped his hands around her heart and healed these holes. If that isn't in His will, I pray that the holes have not gotten bigger, as this would mean a surgery for our baby girl. It is amazing being a parent, you know. As I look down at Maddie now, crawling on the floor, I think...if there is something really wrong I will give her my own heart. Thank you God for your gift of love. I thank God for healing in my life so that I can feel and experience such love. My love for my daughter, it overwhelms me and I gladly allow it...and how much more God loves her. Madeline is God's...he just let us borrow her for a little while...God please let it be a long while. I can't imagine my life without Madeline in it...I hope that I never have to live without her. I am not thinking the worst, I am just appreciating what I have been given. I was watching her sleep this morning...so awed by how beautiful she is...her hair all messed up and her face all scrunched up...simply beautiful.

I had a lady at church a few weeks ago ask me how many times Eli had been to the emergency room. I replied that he had never been and she said, "Well I don't believe THAT!". I had to laugh. SO many people are touched by Eli's "busy" spirit. They wonder how I do it. What they don't know and probably wouldn't appreciate is that I am so proud that my son sees a fence and his immediate reaction is to climb to the top! His spirit is strong and so free. It is a beautiful thing to see. As someone whose mother did everything to and succeeded in breaking my spirit. I look at Eli and wonder how much of that comes from me. It is a little bittersweet at times. I am proud to let Eli be "free" and I am proud of the mother that I have become. My children are a testament to my own freedom from the past. Every fence Eli climbs, every time he jumps expecting to be caught is proof that I have broken my own chains.